There is a subtle difference. One is deliberate, one is motivated. The power of words and how we use them has been very much in my thinking this week, not least because I love words, sentences, paragraphs, pages of the written stuff and I’m here each week laying some down to share with you. My inspiration on this comes, yet again, from a book called Quantum Listening by Pauline Oliveros. Her focus is on the sounds we make by the words we choose to use to communicate. Each word makes a sound (even in our minds) and this morning I read this:
‘Words are velvet, tactile sounds.’
Taken from Tess Guinery in The Moonflower Monologues.
I wrote this rhyme prompted by Tess Guinery’s simple statement. It made me think deeply about my own language. My tone. Are my words velvet? Not often enough. Is thinking before speaking and selecting words with care even a thing now? There are, of course, still magnificent writers who use language brilliantly and seduce us with their storytelling. I notice, though, an increasing trend towards a style of writing that, to me, abuses the mind. Hurts and darkens. An under the surface, broiling fury that gives edge to a painful story. There are always painful stories to be told and they should never be sugar-coated, yet writers from past decades have managed to tell them with persuasive fluency and without resorting to foul language or debauched imagery.
It seems that although we are a society who now promote political correctness and a more mindful way of being, there feels to be a distinct lack of building vocabulary and using it to speak with eloquence and articulation. In tones that show discipline and respect for the receiving audience, but deliver energy and fire as well. I mourn the fact that some writers believe peppering their work with profanity and crude dialogue renders their submission more real, more in touch with the population and their audience. Perhaps they are right and I am the old fossil who is bedded in the sedimentary rock of manners and politesse. My disappointment reached new levels when I read Barbara Kingsolver’s Demon Copperhead, I couldn’t finish it. It is compared to Dickens’ David Copperfield, a modern transposition of a Victorian novel to our modern time and an incredible story. I rarely put a book down without reading to the end, but my brain and my eyes were so tired of the profane writing style, my life isn’t long enough to waste on it. I know people will be screaming at the page as they read this. She is widely popular. Believe me I am a big fan and I adore her writing especially Poisonwood Bible, but this felt wrong and surprising - not in a good way. I felt a stalwart of consistent excellence had betrayed herself and her readers. I concede there will be many who disagree with me.
This idea that the words we utter and release into the world have a vibration and impact more than just the recipient other in the conversation, really feels like something we should pay attention to and could all benefit from. Modern scientific research has shown that our thoughts affect the internal mechanics of our cell production. We all know someone with a particular vibe that is so negative it ruins everything. A laughing mouth belies the internal malignancy which manages to suck the joy out of anyone and any event. There’s a toxicity present and it resides in the mind. Millennia ago Jesus spoke like this in Matthew 5:27-28 and I quote it because there’s a relevance.
‘You have heard it said: “You shall not commit adultery.” But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.’
So what is someone thinking when they look at another with lustful intent? The meaning is pretty clear. Our thoughts are the precursor for our behaviour. If we take it a step further, it could be said that ugly thinking has the power to cause as much damage as impoverished behaviour. It changes the thinker and the thought about. It’s a challenge isn’t it, because there aren’t many of us who can hold our hands up and say we’ve never had an ugly thought….a critical, judgemental, racist, bitchy, dirty, unsavoury, rotten thought. Who can forget the ranting, chanting ‘heil Hitler’ of war years - those two words reverberated around the world and created absolute mayhem because they were attached to a particular individual and his diabolical thinking. Those two little words struck fear into the hearts of millions. Or what impact the words ‘you can now kiss the bride’…. or ‘that’s wonderful, thank you so much’? Our own experience of these simple phrases points to an immediate mood lifter, to say the very least.
The old rhyme was wrong ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me’, words do hurt, corrupt and destroy. Taking a breath before we utter a harsh reproof, that old trick of counting to ten, are ways in which we can bring velvet into our dialogue. No-one knows better than I the great need there is for a softer touch around language. It’s taken me to this grand age to realise it and yet still knife-sharp rebukes make their way from tongue to air.
Isn’t there a responsibility and obligation to work on this? Certainly, for myself, yes. Not least because our own cells will thank us for thinking and communicating in a way that expresses our anger, fear, and deep doubts in a way that is channeled through love. We can present a strong and radical position without violence. Too often on social media platforms we see abhorrent trolling of some poor individual who has expressed a benign opinion about a song, a film, an actor’s dress. The abuse, threats and vitriol is spewed out without reservation. We are all hurt by this level of foulness. It’s like contaminated water and everyone takes a sip. Freedom of speech gone mad. To neglect our hearing sense to the extent that cruel sounds no longer register in the same way, means we plumb new and greater depths to achieve any listening effect. What about a whisper, isn’t it true that a lowered tone draws greater attention? The power we hold in collectively harnessing thought and word could be first teetering steps towards the peace we yearn for…. We’re a long way from it, but as Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi said ‘be the change you want to see.’ Peace starts with us, how we think, how we communicate with each other and subsequently treat one another.
Tread lightly dear ones. Speak lovely things. And this last thought with purpose:
‘Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.’ Philippians 4:8
Till the next time,
A
This bonus track by Roberta Flack seems fitting to finish on a gentle note, listen, sink into the lap of it and feel the words cushion you.
Strumming my pain with his fingers, Singing my life with his words
Killing me softly with his song, Killing me softly with his song
Thank you! Be the change. It all starts here. Bless you 🙏❤️
Brilliantly expressed. Keep sharing your light, insight, and voice ✨️💖✍️